Symbolic elections

Don’t be an ass. Get out and vote, even if it is for a serial politician who has been given the chance to ruin this country several times over for the past 25 years. After all, we have to prove the astrologers right and have PM Dubya back on the saddle for his sixth innings.

So, stamp your swastika on the Star of David, hammer and sickle, rhinoceros or umbrella. These election symbols were designed for a  time when Nepalis could not read or write, and the Erection Commission  believes that Nepalis are still functionally illiterate.

Election symbols are meant for people so they don't vote for the wrong party. The Commgress has a Hammer, or Sickle, or both. And just to be different, the Congmunists have kept the Tree, which has been the NC's symbol since BP's election in 1959. But it may be time to change it to a Cactus.

The most recognisable election symbols have been monopolised by the 5-Party Cartel, so the Sun, Moon, Tree, Cow are taken. Smaller parties have had to make-do with the Ox, Water Buffalo, Yak and Uncastrated He-goat. But there just are not enough symbols to go around for the plethora of parties in the fray.

And this is where The Ass, in the national interest, springs to the rescue. Our ballot papers should enlarge the pool of election symbols reflecting the country’s flora, fauna and sauna, and the Nepali love for biodiversity and diversity visas.

We should be inclusive and not discriminate against certain species. Political parties must set an example by inducting the Scorpion. And if a Yak is ok, why not a Yeti? (See Virtual Reality ballot paper above)

Various spheres of national life can also be represented on the ballot paper. Since corruption plays such an important role in lubricating Nepal’s political mechanisms, the Cash symbol will be up for grabs for the party that offers the biggest bribe for it. The party that waged an underground armed struggle for ten years can fall back on the pressure cooker bomb.

Memorise these symbols. It will determine Nepal’s future. May the best Jack Ass win.

Read Also: Elections dos and don'ts, The Ass